What I Do Not Understand

I do not understand why it hurts to be Nothing 

Nothing to me

Nothing to You
Nothing at all

What nasty wisp of Something
still lingers in this Void to feel like Hell?

Ever since I died
Crazy Sick Old Man of 17
I've tried to pretend I exist
but when My Lover told me I caused All Her Pain
I was truly born again to love
and only wish to die

No Nothing survives Birth
for those who believe in Love
  
I am sad for those who do
and those who don't
I want to believe and stop believing
but I can't

Brown Blots!
growing on my arm
promises of freedom

I have tried to love you
but no one else does and you are hard to believe

Lovers!
You who live and plan and train
and work and fight and play for Love
Be happy!

But remember the living dead
and pray for all